Hi y'all :) remember me? Sam? Sammie? Smitty? The girl who got herpes from her cheating boyfriend?
Yeaaa K.Tanae wrote that book...
So if you haven't had the pleasure of reading my story, I'll post a snippet of it below....hold up, lemme find it. I think y'all would understand me a little better if you read it so read this and I'll be back...
Oh and Sincere is my ex boyfriend. We were together for a few years and smh ... just know that's one crazy, deranged, sick ass nigga. UGHHHHH!!!! But as much as I despise Sincere, I thank god that he messed me over so I could meet Lance. I love Lance. I love everything about my man. He saved me, he saved me from myself. Okay now y'all can read ...
Samantha
When I pulled up to Lala’s house, I noticed Baby Rag’s car across the street. I silently cursed myself and before I could drive off, Lala came out to check the mail. “Damn" I said to myself as I parked. “What's up Sammie" she greeted me as I got out the car. “Hi cousin" I said dryly. We embraced and as soon as she put her arms around me, I broke down. “Woah whoa, what's wrong Sam?" Lala asked me as she rubbed my back. Before I could respond, I heard his voice. “Smitty, what's wrong cuh?" Baby Rag asked. When I looked up to see him standing behind Lala in a white t and some basketball shorts and some 13’s, my heart melted but at the same time, I cried harder. Rag replaced Lala as she stepped to the side so he could hug me. “What's wrong Sam!" Lala demanded to know. “Im....im pregnant" I cried harder into Rag’s chest. He rubbed my back in circular motion, “That’s what you crying about? Man we knew it was a possibility right? you think ima leave you alone or something?" I looked up at him in amazement. “Why wouldn’t you, this ain't your kid. You already have a son to provide for" the look on his face was a look of shock. “You think that’s what kind of nigga I am? Baby I work hard for mine and if you’re mine, then whatever you come with is mine too”. I couldn’t do anything but cry harder, I didn’t deserve this man. “But there's something I need to talk to
you about" he said as he looked me in the eyes. “Take a ride with me" he said as he led me to his truck. “Lala take this" I handed her my purse, “I'll be back”.
Baby Rag opened my door for me and made sure I was in before he walked around to the drivers side to get in. His truck smelled like black ice and baby lotion. I thought that was the cutest thing. He turned down the radio as we took off, “I figured you could use some air and I really think now is the time that we had a heart to heart.” My heart dropped into the pit of my stomach, not because I was hiding anything from him but because I felt that he’d been hiding something from me. “So how far along are you?" he asked as he reached over and touched my belly. “She said about five weeks" I replied as I put my hand over his. “Lance, what do you have to tell me? I rather know now than later" I said in my sweetest voice. He turned on a street and parked. “When i first met you, I didn’t think anything of it. That night I stayed at your cousin house, wasn’t just because I lived far as fuck but because I lived far as fuck with a female”. My heart broke. Literally, I felt it breaking into little pieces. “So you’re telling me you have a girlfriend?" I asked as I looked straight forward. “Calm down Smitty" he said as he reached over to grab my hand but I snatched it away. “Please don’t touch me" I said to him. “Okay so you got a girlfriend, what else?" I asked irritated as hell.
“She’s not my girlfriend anymore, she was my girl though. She was also Lesson’s mom best friend" the look I gave him could’ve killed him. “So you got with yo baby momma bestfriend after she went to jail and she was helping you raise Lesson?" I asked. “Yes but stop right there. The shit really ain't my style, it just happened. I never meant to have a baby with Karisha, Stan needed me to take one for the team so I did." he shook his head. “It was the worst mistake of my life but I do not regret my son. I love Lesson, he's the biggest blessing I’ve ever received in my life. I just wish I could’ve had him with someone I actually cared for. I care for Karisha but solely because she's the mother of my child, I really can't stand that trifling bitch" he said as he turned to look at me. “Im telling you this because Karisha has been in touch lately, talking bout she getting out soon and she's coming to get Lesson. I don’t want to keep you in the dark about nothing, but I understand if you want to leave me alone, I promise I do.”
The fact that he looked me in my eyes the entire time he spoke, I knew he was a real man. It took balls to come clean about shit like that and for that I respected him“I like you Samantha and I haven’t liked someone in a long time.” I wanted to believe him, when I looked into his eyes, I knew he was telling the truth but still, it was hard. “So what happens now?" I asked him. “You got anything you wanna tell me?" he asked me. “You already know I'm pregnant by my ex. We got tested today, I made them test him as well as myself. I've heard
rumors about him having herpes but I've never seen a sore on him nor myself. I just wanted to be sure" I said. “And what happens if the test comes back positive?" Rag asked me. I hadn’t thought that far, mainly because I didn’t want to think of myself having the virus. “I have no idea" I shook my head. “There's nothing I can do at that point except deal with it accordingly”. Baby Rag looked at me , “You have the most beautiful soul that a woman could have Smitty. If you have it then WE have it, I got my prize, I’m not letting shit stop us”. I started crying again, and I was so tired of crying but these were tears of happiness, not sadness. I leaned over and kissed Rag with all the passion I could muster up.
ONE WEEK LATER
“Ouuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuch!" I screamed as I sat on the toilet to pee. I don’t know why or what happened but it was the most painful piss I’ve ever taken. I couldn’t even finish peeing because it hurt that bad. I guess Lance heard me scream because before I could open the bathroom door, he was right there. “Whats wrong Smitty?" he asked very concerned. His eyes weren’t even completely opened, “I'm okay, it just burned when I peed”. Now his eyes
opened, “what you mean it burned?" he asked me. “I sat down and when pee started coming out, it hit my lip and burned really bad" I said as I reached down to wipe myself. “Ouch" I couldn’t bare the feeling of the tissue touching me. “You cant wipe?" now he sounded very concerned. “Babe I can't wipe" I was crying now. “It hurts so bad" I said as I sat back down on the toilet. “Did you use a new body wash or something Smitty?" he asked as he walked closer to me. “No" I said through my sobs. “Want me to look?”. My head snapped up so fast, “Can you look where?" I asked him. He looked down at my vahjay and smirked. “You wanna look in it to see if you can see what's wrong?" I was shocked as hell. “Smitty I done seen plenty....I've seen a vahjay before, just let me see if I see anything in there" I couldn’t help but laugh. “In here?" I asked him since he was now in charged. “Nah, go lay on the bed" he instructed. I got off the toilet, “Don’t judge me, you know I usually wipe my ass”. He couldn’t do anything but laugh.
As I lay down on the bed, I couldn’t help but wonder what I did to deserve such a sweet, understanding man. I constantly thanked GOD for bringing Lance into my life because as of right now, I really appreciated having someone in my corner. When Rag walked in the room, he had a towel wrapped around his waist and some plastic gloves on. “Boy you aint bout to touch me with no gloves used to clean toilets" I said as I snapped my legs together on the
bed. “Fine, I was trying to be the doctor" he laughed as he removed the big yellow gloves. “Now....Open up" he said.
Now normally, I’d have no problem opening my legs to a man I was with but Lance and I had never went that far. I know it's hard to believe but the most we did was kiss, heavy kissing. “Smitty, come on cuh, quit acting like I was never going to see her" he smiled,referring to my vahjay. I did as I was told, I opened my legs. “Now lets see what's going on down unda" he said as he allowed his fingers to open my lips. My left thigh jumped, “Ouch" I said. “Real shit babe, it's red down here. And wet" he looked up at me with a mischievous grin. “Are there any bumps?" I asked him, ignoring his advance. He opened my lips again and this time he opened my inner lips. “Yea babe, it's like 1,2....3.4...4 little white bumps right here, what that mean?" he asked as he continued his exam. I reached over and grabbed my phone, “I don’t know, let me google it”. I reached over for my iphone that was charging, unlocked it and I typed “White bumps inside vagina & painful urination”into Google.. The first thing that popped up was “Genital Herpes”. I started shaking uncontrollably. “Go wash your hands" I yelled at Lance. He didn’t move, he looked at me like I was crazy. “What's wrong Smitty?" he asked me. I didn’t answer him. I rolled over and laid in fetal position even though it hurt really bad. I rocked myself back and forth.
I heard the water turn on in the bathroom and I started crying. I’ve cried so much these days, it's crazy. I felt Lance climb in the bed behind me. He pulled me into him and hugged me tight. “Baby it's okay, we knew it was a chance right?" he whispered in my ear. “But....but you don’t deserve a pregnant bitch with herpes, you deserve someone much better than me" I couldn’t help the way I felt. I felt like I was damaged goods. Lance sat up and made me look at him, “Don’t ever let me hear you say nothing like that again! You are a great woman, you were just dealt a bad hand but you know what good card you were dealt?" he asked. I looked at him as to say what. He said, “You got a KING of hearts in your hand babe, and I told you I'm not going nowhere.” Every question or doubt I had about him vanished that moment. I didn’t deserve him but God put him in my life for a reason so I was going to embrace it.
Yep...that's only a little bit of how my life turned out the way it is now. I found out I had herpes while I was pregnant with my first child with Sincere. He and I broke up but we decided to co parent, the baby never made it into this world unfortunately. I miscarried the night Lance proposed to me. If you haven't read Love, Lies and Karma 1-3, y'all really need to. (To get my full story)
Anyway. So I am Sam. Samantha. Sammie. Smitty. Whatever you want to call me. I am a wife, a mother, a business woman but most of all, I am a black queen. I have Herpes Simplex Virus 2. Herpes is not my life and I will never let it take over my life. It did not break me and I am here to help someone else out there. You aren't alone. I promise you aren't.
I decided to start this blog to bring awareness to the virus that so many know so little about. I just really want to help. & if I have to tell my story in order for other people to feel comfortable, so be it. I plan on being an open book for you guys. I want to tell you everything I've learned living with the virus. Herpes can feel like a death sentence but it's not !!!
Check back soon for updates! Send an email to sammiesden@gmail.com if you have any questions you want answered or if you want to share your story 🙂
